Instead the flowers had been a sympathy bouquet from my best friend. I had just lost my first child to a miscarriage. I read the words that she loved and was praying for me. She was sorry for my loss. It left me reliving the numbness I felt before the pain sunk in. Sometimes I forget that I could have had a 6 year old running around my house right now. Instead K and I are expecting our first. It made me worry that I hadn't felt the baby move in a few days. I'm over a week away from my next doctor's appointment and anxious to hear the heartbeat.
All selfish thoughts. All about me, my baby, and K. That very night my best friend who had once upon a time sent me flowers started contractions and bleeding. She was 36 1/2 weeks with twins. She had an appointment two days before and both babies were fine. One of the girls made it and the other was still born after an emergency C-section.
My friend who once comforted me is not losing another baby. She had five miscarriages before making it this far with her twins. My heart breaks for her and her husband. Why? Why would the Lord allow her to lose six children? I don't understand and I never will. But I know that God was my great comforter and strength. He is the one that healed me before and He will be there for my friend.
I admit my fear is spiked selfishly for me and my own child. I hate that. Why can't I simply feel empathy for her. Why do I turn everything and make it about me and how it affects me. If you read this pray for my friend. If you read this pray that I will love selflessly. Maybe that is something motherhood can help teach me. I pray and hope it does.
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