When I moved out of state for college at the age of 19, I
had no idea how many friends I would make. I had no idea how much the people in
this new city would mean to me. I stayed there for 12 years. The entire time I
lived there I was 8-9 hours from home, depending on where in the city I lived.
I missed family. I missed holidays. I didn’t make it to a single sporting even
in my brother’s high school career. At that point I hadn’t made it to one of my
sister’s yet and she was about to be a senior.
I’d missed the birth of all three of my nephews, and hardly new my
brother’s bride-to-be.
It literally took a head injury I sustained to make me
realize how very important family was, and what I was missing out on. So I made
the decision to move home. It was the right move for me. I immediately met my
husband. I love my family. But now I have the opposite issue. I miss my
friends. I’m in my 30’s. I don’t have children and I’m not in college where it
is easy to meet people. People my age
are busy with their own families and hardly have the time to have coffee with a
stranger, they would rather spend their precious time having coffee with
someone they already have a relationship with.
For this reason I spend more time than ever calling old
friends, writing letters, writing emails. I try to stay connected. Last night I was on the phone with an old
friend of mine she said that since I moved away our old group hasn’t gotten
together at all. This morning I received an email from a different friend in
that group and she said “I miss you. You were the glue that kept the group
together. We never get together anymore”
Was I? I hadn’t thought about myself that way. But just the
week before I was talking to a different friend from a different group and I
asked how the other girls were. She said busy with their own lives. That she
talked to me more than any of them. That she hadn’t seen a friend in months in
person and she is craving girl time. I remember thinking how odd. With this
group we got together almost weekly for at least happy hour and one drink on
the way home from work. We were all busy and didn’t have that much time, but
now that I think about it. I sent out the emails and text. I made them fit girl
time into their schedule.
I’m not saying it is right. I’m not saying it is wrong. I
don’t have children so I’m honestly curious. Why do women let go of
friendships. I hear so many of my friends say they miss girl time. They miss
friendships. They feel lonely. They love their children and husbands, but they
miss conversation and connection with their female friends. I’m pregnant right
now and I honestly had hoped that I would make friends with parents of children
my child’s age. But I’m looking at my friends lives and I see friendship
becoming a last priority, while they cry out over the phone feeling isolated
and lonely.
The odd things is, I’m an introvert. Every quiz I’ve ever
taken has said so. I need my alone time to recharge. I prefer small intimate
gatherings to large parties any day of the week. Yet, I can’t let go of
friendships. It hurts to let them go. It hurts not having them close by. It hurts
that I haven’t made any close friends that I connect with where we lift each
other up and have fun together.
Most of my blogs have a point. Today, however, I’m just
perplexed. If you are lonely why not reach out and connect with the friends you
have?
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